also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm getting married
To pizza
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
