I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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