He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
