I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
