I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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