I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
