just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
