Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
