dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
