Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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