yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
