Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
