drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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