I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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