somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
