My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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