I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
pray to the hookup gods
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
