My brain says no but my pants say off.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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