fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
