Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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