the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
