Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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