I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize