whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
