I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
