Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
