Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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