do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
