I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
