Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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