I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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