great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
