can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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