We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
