He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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