Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
