Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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