I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize