guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
