Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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