SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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