Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
did i just pee glitter
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
