omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
