Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My day in three words: secret purse cake
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
