i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize