We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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