I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
