i think my tv is drunk
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
