The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
