She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
