My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
