now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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