Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
