when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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