Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
