The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
