I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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