The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
