ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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