i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
