i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
